A look back

This was our trip to New York and Kennedy had recently transitioned.  He fell in love with this city, at such a young age, I thought that was interesting!  He now has room done in a New York theme, pics to come soon! 

"Mom you know how I have a Girl side and a Boy side!"

So I find a few darling toys at a resale shop for my niece and couldn't help but snatch up these treasures and bring them home. I call up my sis in-law tell her of this find! I found a Barbie train and Barbie plane, they still make them but these were kinda retro and and I was so excited to see they had all the tiny acessories, including the little tray cart that goes down the aisle. I bring home my treasures and set them on the kitchen table, shortly after Kennedy comes home from school. He goes right to the toys and ask "mom, why did ya get these?" I told him I found them at a resale for his cousin. He looked a little disappointed and then asked me if he could talk to me in the garage....(my hubby his step dad was on the couch) he wanted to tell me "something in private" he said as he opened the door. I went into the garage thinking something went wrong at school or that he was upset w Sean, my husband. He told me and I quote "mom, you know how I have a girl side, and a boy side". "Yes" I replied. "Well I think my girl side wants to play with those toys!" I then explained that it was okay for him to play with those toys, and it wasin't uncommon for boys to want to play with "girl type" toys and some times girls like to play with "boy type" toys. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell mommy how you feel and I want you to know this means you.....simply like toys that are fun, girl side / boys side no matter what side you are a kid and you like to pretend that's all! He then went on to inform me that we don't have any Barbies to go in the plane and train and he wouldn't mind if I bought a few.....you know so he can put them in them. "I want boys and girls" I agreed that would make pretending fun! He said well I don't want to keep this stuff in my room because I really don't want anyone to know, I explained that I sometimes want things of mine to be private and that would be just fine! You should have seen his face of pure JOY! He then said that he also "kinda wants a baby so he can play daddy with it". I was a little taken back a bit I must admit, but said sure buddy! He then quickly said "I want to pretend I'm his dad". I let him know he didn't need to explain and he can play with anything he wants, playing with toys doesn't make you a girl, nor does it make you a boy...it simply makes you a child that like to play. This seemed to comfort him and he gave me a hug and thanked me for understanding. Funny thing is, the last thing I want him to think is that he needs to be a boy or to be masculine enough to prove he is one. I don't want him to confuse the way he feels about being male yet wanting to do things that are typical girl behavior. He is free to be a girl if he wants and I actually mentioned that. He quickly corrected me and said "no mom I still want to play the dad part!" I think it is important that we try to unlabel things and I know there is always "gender majorities" and I do understand the boys type / girls type of behavior, although as a parent of any child, trans, gay, straight, etc I encourage you to mesh those boundaries and let your child simply experience life! Let you son play with dolls, let your daughter buy the dump truck!! I asked Kennedy why he want to tell me in private and he said "I don't want Sean knowing I like these toys, that's my man card" he got that from him!! BOYS!!! Thanks for listening! Candice

Kennedy has come into his own and thriving!

Kennedy has really started to do so well in school. He also has a lot more confidence, and so many friends. He does live stealth, meaning not everyone knows he is transgender. But we feel this is best at his age, as he gets older we will figure out if we will com out or keep it a secret. He has been able to make the honor roll for two straight years in school! I am very happy to say we haven't had any major issues lately. We have just been living a normal life and he feels like a regular boy. This was a goal so I am so happy that he just feels so comfortable in his own skin! I want all to know if you need help or guidance of any sort please reach out to me or a group, there are many online and it will make it a lot easier when you talk with others that are in the same circumstance as you! Hope to help, and live, laugh, love! Candice

Thank You!!

To all of the recent comments and people who care about my child. I want you all to know that it means the world to me that you take the time to read my blog. Many of you care for my little Kennedy so much. It feels so good to know a world filled with people like you. I know it will always be hard for many to understand...heck it was for me too! I know his road may be an up hill battle, but I know its one worth climbing!! The song that I posted on my blog "The Climb" it reminds me of Kennedys climb to become who he is. How there will always be another mountain...but he will over come each one. With loving support from me my husband his sister as well as all of you out there who care! Thank you so much! I only hope the world becomes a little more accepting of differences...to each there own I always say!
May Kennedy grow up to be a happy person...a happy Man!

Candice

A Picture Book Moment

So my oldest daughter, Madison had a sleep over with 6 girls all 12 years...GOD help me Right? Madison decided she wanted to go through an old photo album with her friends to show all her cute little pictures of the younger years. As soon as she got it out she realized when all the girls pointed to an old picture of Kennedy about 2 years old at the time and said "wow you looked like Kennedy when you were young!" I got up and and took hold of the book, squeezed into the middle of the crowd and said "hold on let me show you the book and tell you some stories". I honestly just need to keep Kennedy's true identity a secret. I know that it isn't time to out him quit yet. The pictures were going to show Kennedy at older ages. This would have defiantly made it clear that it wasn't Madison in these pictures, just Kennedy with long hair! Madison really wanted to show all her pictures and was upset that she had to hide so many pages. We only showed the ones that her by herself or her and me and luckily I had a few dedicated to just her alone. We were able to share the album and put it away. As I did this Madison and I looked at one another and burst into tears. I know it was the emotion of not being able to share her life, having a life that has restrictions. First thing she said when we left to go to the other room was, "Mom, I know I shouldn't cry, Kennedy has it a lot worse than me... about secrets...I have no reason to feel this". I immediately held her (crying myself) at let her know that it does hurt sometimes. It hurts to hide from the world. It hurts to hide Kennedy and who he is. It hurts to hide our loving family. Madison wanted to go out and tell all the girls why she was upset and the truth about Kennedy. I let her know the repercussions of doing that. Possibly Loosing all her friends, not because THEY don't understand but because their PARENTS might not! I also let her know its not time for Kennedy, he is still so young. I would like him to be much older before we let the new school know. He has to be old enough to understand any back lash he may receive. It hard to think of that. How old is old enough to understand a concept like that? Really?? I am still not sure if we will ever come out. We may live stealth for the rest of his school life and only be out to close friends and family like we are now. That decision is still undecided.
We held one another and had a cry, a short one so not to alarm the awaiting girls all hanging in the front yard wondering what had happened to make us get upset. Eventually, I dried both of our eyes and told Madison its good to have a good cry every now and then....Its good for the soul.
Madison went out side and made up a story about looking at the old days makes us sad sometimes because of divorce and things...which was a pretty smart answer I may need to watch out for this one!
All in all we live a normal life but every now and then "Transgender life" pokes its head in and reminds us how different our life really is!

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The funniest part is even though I have wondered why this has happened. How could this be. Why us, why him, why.... why.... why! If I could ever change it...I don't think I would, this is after all what makes Kennedy...Kennedy and it is what make Kennedy who he is!

Thanks for listening
MOM to a robust 8 year old FTM transgender child, yet just like any other boy...Kennedy!

Kennedy Smiles

Kennedy worries….yet Kennedy Smiles…..
Worries about rejection……from friends who find out his “secret”….yet Kennedy Smiles
Not being accepted by a girl someday……..yet Kennedy Smiles
…...Growing tall like his dad…..yet Kennedy Smiles
Not understanding disapproval from some…….yet Kennedy Smiles
Wants to be called a “son” by his father and grandparents…..yet Kennedy Smiles
What will I look like someday…….yet Kennedy Smiles
……..Can I live a normal life….yet Kennedy Smiles
Will I grow muscles and hair like a boy…… yet Kennedy Smiles
Do I have to grow boobs….yet Kennedy Smiles
……..Will I be accepted as a boy....as a person…….yet Kennedy Smiles
My Kennedy Worries…...I...Worry…...Please help...spread awareness and acceptance!
Life isn’t always fair…..This is our cross to bare….This is his lot in life…..This is my pain… for my Joy…
Love is what keeps us strong…and through it all Kennedy Smiles!
MOM…

Just for the record!

I wanted to make one post dedicated to the myth...That I just let my child become what he wanted. Let me quote what I have heard many people say. "My child wanted to be a dog for a while you don't see me letting him live as dog, be a parent and take control"
OK
My child wanted to be a dog too...believe it or not he wanted to eat out of a bowl on the floor. It lasted a little while, then he wanted to be something else! I believe it was a cat, superman, a bug, a bird, and a super hero!
I understand that kids love to be other things...my children are no different but these things come and go. Kennedy has said he was a boy since he was 2! We didn't "give in" to the thought of letting him transition into being a boy socialy untill he was 6 years old. He was getting to the point were he was upset all the time and out of control at school, acting out in defiance! It wasn't till he was 7 that we had completed his transition pro'nouns and all!
My child didn't ask me to be a boy or rather to live as a boy one or two times, or for a few months and I started letting him change ...NO,NO,NO,NO I repeat NO!
Kennedy persisted that he must be a boy, live as a boy, have a boys room, clothes, boy name, boy undies, be a brother, a son etc...his whole life!! Not one, Not one single day for over 5 years went by that he didn't bring it up! Pleading with me to let him "be a boy". Pleading with me to believe him.
This isn't a quick decision, an easy decision, but it is one that I stand behind and I'm proud of!! Im glad that Im not so narrow minded that I ignore my child! That I would be to over wellmed with the way things "should be" to over look the pain my child was feeling! Im so glad I have the mind set to help... and "live and let live" way of thinking. So my little boy can be happy each and everyday during his precious child hood! Isn't that important for any littleone? To have a good feeling in their heart during childhood? Would you rather I let my child live depressed, unhappy, withdrawn, embarassed... Really?? Many parents who follow their hearts, will be able to tell when what needs to be done, should be done! Others may find their unhappy child hanging in their closet someday...because they wern't accepted! Think about it!