So my oldest daughter, Madison had a sleep over with 6 girls all 12 years...GOD help me Right? Madison decided she wanted to go through an old photo album with her friends to show all her cute little pictures of the younger years. As soon as she got it out she realized when all the girls pointed to an old picture of Kennedy about 2 years old at the time and said "wow you looked like Kennedy when you were young!" I got up and and took hold of the book, squeezed into the middle of the crowd and said "hold on let me show you the book and tell you some stories". I honestly just need to keep Kennedy's true identity a secret. I know that it isn't time to out him quit yet. The pictures were going to show Kennedy at older ages. This would have defiantly made it clear that it wasn't Madison in these pictures, just Kennedy with long hair! Madison really wanted to show all her pictures and was upset that she had to hide so many pages. We only showed the ones that her by herself or her and me and luckily I had a few dedicated to just her alone. We were able to share the album and put it away. As I did this Madison and I looked at one another and burst into tears. I know it was the emotion of not being able to share her life, having a life that has restrictions. First thing she said when we left to go to the other room was, "Mom, I know I shouldn't cry, Kennedy has it a lot worse than me... about secrets...I have no reason to feel this". I immediately held her (crying myself) at let her know that it does hurt sometimes. It hurts to hide from the world. It hurts to hide Kennedy and who he is. It hurts to hide our loving family. Madison wanted to go out and tell all the girls why she was upset and the truth about Kennedy. I let her know the repercussions of doing that. Possibly Loosing all her friends, not because THEY don't understand but because their PARENTS might not! I also let her know its not time for Kennedy, he is still so young. I would like him to be much older before we let the new school know. He has to be old enough to understand any back lash he may receive. It hard to think of that. How old is old enough to understand a concept like that? Really?? I am still not sure if we will ever come out. We may live stealth for the rest of his school life and only be out to close friends and family like we are now. That decision is still undecided.
We held one another and had a cry, a short one so not to alarm the awaiting girls all hanging in the front yard wondering what had happened to make us get upset. Eventually, I dried both of our eyes and told Madison its good to have a good cry every now and then....Its good for the soul.
Madison went out side and made up a story about looking at the old days makes us sad sometimes because of divorce and things...which was a pretty smart answer I may need to watch out for this one!
All in all we live a normal life but every now and then "Transgender life" pokes its head in and reminds us how different our life really is!
The funniest part is even though I have wondered why this has happened. How could this be. Why us, why him, why.... why.... why! If I could ever change it...I don't think I would, this is after all what makes Kennedy...Kennedy and it is what make Kennedy who he is!
Thanks for listening
MOM to a robust 8 year old FTM transgender child, yet just like any other boy...Kennedy!